![]() ![]() The good aliens are Olivia Wilde who wear too much eyeliner and emerge from flames naked. And because Indians are way more spiritual than white people, the Apache also help Daniel Craig come to terms with his past and the fact that his non-alien ladylove died a horrific death because of the bad aliens. If the Apache hadn’t shown up and ignored Harrison Ford’s bigoted ass, then the white people would have been totally screwed. In fact, Cowboys & Aliens should really have been named Cowboys, Indians, & Aliens. The Apache, led by Raoul Trujillo, are very useful during alien invasions. We never should have screwed over the Native Americans Since when do hot aliens know how to apply eyeliner?Ħ. She also wore an obscene amount of eyeliner. You expect me to believe that a woman in the late 1800s could run around with a gun holster just sluttly hanging from her hips like that? That is a bit too much revisionist history. ![]() It still doesn’t explain her ridiculous getup. That is when everyone else realizes that they finally have a shot against the aliens and are totally accepting of the hot alien chick hanging around with them. At one point she dies, gets thrown into a fire, and reemerges… naked. She’s been sent to earth to destroy aliens that destroyed her homeland. Is she supposed to be Daniel Craig’s love interest? Or is she just weirdly mysterious? Spoiler alert! Olivia Wilde is really an alien with feelings in hot human girl form. ![]() What a grumpįor most of the movie, Olivia Wilde serves no purpose. My friend rightly pointed out that it is time that Harrison Ford pulled a Rodney Dangerfield in Natural Born Killers and do something completely against type. He sputters his words out like a complete maniac and twitches. What is it about Harrison Ford these days? In every movie he is in of late, he seems dangerously close to cardiac arrest. No one plays an old curmudgeon with a side of seizure better than Harrison Ford Dear Adam Beach, I wish you were in more movies.Ĥ. And guess what, of the two of you, Adam Beach proves to be more useful. He doesn’t realize that he also has Adam Beach. The preacher (Clancy Brown) says this when Olivia Wilde’s character wants to ride out with the misfits who think they can stop the aliens. The objectification of Daniel Craig's body was mildly uncomfortable.ģ. Sorry, that is what Casino Royale is for. (For proof, please see my new favorite gif from Cowboys & Aliens.) But the masterminds behind this movie seem to want you to think that seeing Craig shirtless at every conceivable moment is what really matters. This is Cowboy & Aliens lone saving grace. I can watch Daniel Craig beat the crap of anything all day long. Daniel Craig kicking ass can almost save any movie, even the ones with Olivia Wilde. Turns out that “and” implies that there are aliens with feelings showing up somewhere in the movie. Warning: spoilers follow.įor weeks now I have thought that this movie was called Cowboys vs Aliens. Anyways, these are some of the lessons I learned from Cowboy & Aliens. I was turned off by a few things, mostly the overt sexualization of Olivia Wilde in an attempt to force chemistry between her and Daniel Craig. Did I go into it expecting something great? Absolutely not, which made it kind of awesomely terrible. ![]()
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